Ok, that’s the last box.
Carmen Rhodes picked up the box of books. She was at her grandmother’s house, packing up her old things: silverware, books, statues, some old photos, anything valuable. Her friend Mallory would be here soon with her car, and they’d bring everything to Carmen’s parents’ house, where she was staying for the weekend.
Carmen wandered around the room. Her Grandmother had taught her to always scan the room one last time, just in case.
Sure enough, there was an old photo of her sitting on a swing with her Grandma.
Carmen smiled as she put the photo on top of all the books, closed the door, and left the room.
As she walked, she looked down at the photo, remembering the celebrations and weekdays she spent with her Grandma. She looked at the now barren halls she ran down as a little kid, that were once full of photos and life.
“I miss you Grandma,” Carmen said.
That’s when she heard a thud behind her. She wheeled around.
The hallway was empty, the door closed.
“Hello?” she called out. The door swung open.
She froze.
No one else should be here.
She walked backwards, away from the room, mind racing as to who could be there.
Niiieeeta…has regresadooooo
The voice was eerie, cold, threatening, sending shivers down Carmen’s spine.
Suddenly, she lost her footing as she tumbled down the stairs. The books went flying down with her.
She hit the ground with a painful thud.
Owwww.
She looked up to see a shadowy figure looming over her.
She yelped as she tried to pull herself back.
The figure let out a painful shriek as Carmen blacked out.
***
Carmen was 6 years old. In fact, she was just turning 6.
It was her birthday, and she was at her Grandma’s house. All of her uncles, aunts and cousins had come over to celebrate. She was sitting at a table with her cousins and some of her friends from school, all wearing pink party hats. The tables were covered with decorations, balloons, and treats.
“Carmen, Abuelita has something special to show you,” said Carmen’s mom.
She led Carmen through the house, where her Grandma was sitting down in the living room.
“Carmen! Feliz cumpleaños!” she said
“Gracias Abuelita,” said Carmen.
“I have a very special present for you,” Grandma said.
She showed Carmen a doll. It was small, but was covered with embroidering and had on a bright blue dress.
“This was one of my favorite dolls when I was your age,” said Grandma, “I’ve had it for years. I brought it with me when your great grandparents and I came to the United States for the first time. It was with me through so much, and just like our family, it’s made it through generations.”
“Abuela gave me this when I was your age,” said Carmen’s Mom, “She told me the same thing, and I’ve kept it with me ever since.”
Grandma held out the doll to Carmen.
“Now we’d like to give it to you”
“Estas muy bonita Carmen” Said Grandma, “Nunca olvidas.”
Carmen held the doll and hugged it close.
“Muchas Gracias Mamá, muchas Gracias Abuelita” she said.
***
Carmen opened her eyes. She was still at the foot of the stairs. Her head throbbed, and her vision was blurry.
Slowly, she began to pick herself up. She looked around as her memories of what just happened returned to her.
She didn’t see the shadowy figure anywhere.
I must’ve been seeing things.
No, nunca imaginas.
Carmen looked behind her as something cold touched her shoulder.
She looked behind to see the figure crouched over her.
She screamed.
***
Carmen was 13.
“Ok, great job today, see you all next week!” Her Ballet teacher said as Carmen and her friend Mallory gathered their things to leave.
She walked with her friends to her Mom, who was picking them up.
“Hi girls!” said her Mom as they arrived at her car, “How was practice?”
“Hard, but fun” Said Carmen as she and her friends climbed into the car.
“Good” said her Mom, “Grandma’s on the phone, do you want to say hi?”
“Hi Grandma!” Said Carmen.
“Hola, Nieta, ¿Cómo estás?” asked her Grandmother. “
I’m doing good, how are you?”
“I’m good. Are you doing well in school?” her Grandmother asked, switching to English.
“Yes, I’m trying at least,” said Carmen. “Good! You all should visit sometime soon! It’s been too long!” Grandma said.
“I’m trying Mamá, it’s just we’re so busy now” said Carmen’s Mom as she pulled out onto the crowded road.
“I understand” said her Grandma, “But I miss you all, it’s getting lonely over here”
“I’ll try to make time soon,” said Carmen’s Mom, “It’s just really hard right now.”
“It’s ok,” said Grandma, “I know you all are working hard.”
“Thanks Mamá, we’ll try to make it soon,” Said her Mom as she pulled into the left turn lane.
“Adios mija! Adios Carmen!” Said Grandma.
“Bye Grandma!” Carmen said just as her Mom hung up the phone.
“God, we really should visit her soon,” said Carmen’s Mom. “It’s just you have all this stuff going on, and Dad and I are always busy…”
“It’s ok Mom” said Carmen.
“Was that your Grandma?” asked Molly.
“Yeah, we haven’t seen her in a while.”
“And you talk to her in Spanish?” Molly asked.
“I try to,” Carmen said.
The truth was everyone for the past year had been asking her why her Spanish was getting worse. Because Carmen was so busy and lived so far away from all her relatives, she didn’t get to see them as often, especially Grandma. The more time passed, the harder they became to talk to, the less she could relate to them, and the more she began to drift away.
***
Carmen woke up again.
She was still in the downstairs hallway, and started looking around for the being the second she came to her senses.
She couldn’t see it, but she knew it could be hiding anywhere. Sweat dripped down her forehead, and her eyes darted around the hallway until they led her to another open door.
Estás aquí, siempre.
***
It was a Thursday night when Carmen got the call.
Carmen had just gotten back from the library, after a long day of studying for her final exams, and she had been ready to collapse onto her bed for hours.
The second she did though, her phone rang. It was her Mom.
“Hey Mom” She said as she answered the phone, “what’s going on”
“Honey, I have some bad news”, her Mom said.
Carmen sat up.
“What’s going on?” she asked nervously. “
It’s Grandma. She’s in the hospital”.
Carmen’s eyes shot open. “What?!” She practically shouted.
“She hasn’t been doing great for a while, and had to go in this afternoon. She’s doing ok, but the doctors are really worried. I had to tell you, but she didn’t want me to tell you while you had exams going on.”
Carmen sat there, stunned.
“I…I…she’s-”
“I know, I’m so sorry” Said her Mom, “I know you’ll be back next week, but if you want to”
“Callate mija! Leave the girl alone! She’s busy!” Carmen heard her Grandma say.
“Pero Mamá-” began her Mom
“No! Dejale!” continued Grandma, “Carmen, focus on school. You worked hard to get there and I’m so proud of you.”
“Grandma…” began Carmen
“You’re a strong girl, mas fuerte, and you’re capable of so much. I’ve always loved you and I always will. Please don’t worry about me, and finish your exams. You’ve got this Carmen, I know it.”
“But Grandma” said Carmen as tears began to stream down her face.
“Keep going,” said Grandma, “Make our familia proud. You’ve got this, make everything count. Te amo Carmen, muchas.”
“I love you too,” Carmen said.
“And Mija, don’t you dare move her flight up a week early!”
Carmen’s Mom didn’t, and Carmen studied ferociously, remembering her Grandmother’s words. She would make sure to go back home, knowing she fought for her grades the way her Grandma wanted her to.
As she finally returned home for the break, Carmen hugged her parents upon reaching her house.
“Sweetie, we missed you!” said her Dad.
“I missed you guys too!” she said, “How’s things been?”
Her parents looked at each other.
“We have some sad news,” they said.
Carmen’s smile dropped.
“It happened while you were on the plane” Said her Mom, “Grandma died.”
Tears started welling up in Carmen’s eyes.
“It was sudden, she was doing so well but…”
Carmen collapsed into her parents arms.
“She loved you so much” Her Dad said “She was so proud of you.”
Carmen felt the rush of overwhelming sadness that would follow her through the next two weeks: the funeral, the gathering of all her family that she hadn’t seen. The reminders of how much her Spanish had slipped away from her, how much she’d drifted from the girl her 8 Grandma had known. She’d volunteered to pack up her house since she figured it was the least she could do.
Her thoughts from that day had echoed in her mind throughout these weeks.
I should have seen her one last time.
“I should have seen her one last time”
I should have seen her one last time.
***
Carmen wiped the tear streaming down her cheek as she slowly came back to reality. There was clearly some sort of thing trying to stop her from leaving the building, and every single time she got close, it would appear behind her, and show her a memory from her past. And it never left, leaving her continuously paralyzed in fear.
“Who are you?” She asked, “What do you want? Why are you-”
“Carmen?” said a voice from behind her.
She whipped around, jumped back and yelped as she saw someone standing there.
“Oh dang sorry, didn’t mean to scare you!” said her friend Mallory, “It was getting late and you weren’t picking up your phone.”
“Oh” said Carmen, realizing she’d never actually thought to check her phone. She’d been so focused on this thing she’d never bothered to try calling anyone.
“You doing ok?” asked Mallory as she stepped closer, a concerned look on her face, “did something happen?”
“No, it’s ok,” said Carmen.
“You sure? You can tell me” said Mallory.
“How did you get in here?” asked Carmen.
“I, uh, walked through the door?” Mallory responded, confused.
“Did you see anything weird?” asked Carmen.
“No?” asked Mallory, now dumbfounded, “Ok are you really sure you’re doing alright?”
“Yes,” said Carmen.
“Ok” said Mallory, “let’s go home then” she said, taking Carmen’s hand.
They walked towards the main entrance together. Carmen kept looking over her shoulder in case the shadow was still lurking. She didn’t know what this thing could do to Mallory, but couldn’t exactly tell her there was something haunting the house. So she bit her lip, closed her eyes, and swallowed her fear as Mallory led her through the door. Even though they walked for only a few feet, it felt like miles.
“Why are you closing your eyes?” asked Mallory.
Carmen opened her eyes to see them standing outside the house.
“What?” she asked.
“We’re outside,” said Mallory.
“But how?” asked Carmen.
Just then she felt a wave of pressure hit her head.
You may be able to escape now, but I will follow you everywhere.
Carmen froze in fear.
Unless you are strong enough to accept me. Then maybe you can achieve peace.
What?
You are not incapable of defeating me. I will live with you forever, but you can contain me if you have the strength to.
How?
You must find that answer for yourself. Do you even know who I am? Think about it, you’ll know what to do
The voice faded.
Carmen sat down on a swingset. The same one her Grandma swung her on when she was little.
“Carmen, what’s going on?” she asked.
“Mallory…it’s just” Carmen began.
Mallory stayed silent, listening to her.
“When I was cleaning out the house, I just kept coming across things that reminded me of my Grandma, and the more I remembered, the more I just….”
Carmen felt a tear emerge from her eye.
Mallory hugged her firmly.
“I’m sorry Carm, I know it’s hard.”
“I thought I could do it but….” Carmen said as a tear welled up in her eye, “I miss her, It’s so weird. I knew her but I didn’t know her. I didn’t try to reconnect, I barely talked to her after I was a teenager, and by the time I was in college she was gone.”
“Hey it’s ok” said Mallory as she pulled away to look at Carmen, “life just happens sometimes, you know? We get busy and sometimes we stray apart from people. It can suck realizing you could’ve done something and didn’t, but you can’t let it trap you, y’know?”
“When did you get so wise?” asked Carmen, “Weren’t you the same person who went on an hour long unhinged rant after having like ten shots last week?”
“I had some help,” she said, “Your Mom talked to me. She has a meeting to go to, but she wanted me to give you this message.”
Mallory held her phone out for Carmen to listen to.
“Hi Carmen, I know you’re busy, especially with clearing out Abuela’s house, but I just wanted to tell you if you ever feel sad, listen to this message. Abuela loved you as much as she did any of her other children or grandchildren, she really did. She always wanted you to grow into a strong, powerful woman who was proud of where she came from, and hoped you wouldn’t take shit from anyone.”
Carmen was taken aback by her Mom’s swearing.
“That’s not my words, that’s hers. Anyway, I know you two weren’t as close by the time she died, but she never stopped loving and looking out for you. She would always tell me this story from when I was younger about how houses can be haunted by ghosts, spirits who refuse to move on. She would say the free will never die, but those trapped by regret die while they’re alive.
To be honest, it was hard for me too. I know I wasn’t able to raise you in our culture the way she would’ve, and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to bring you to see her as often when you got older. The truth is, I had a hard time being proud of our heritage when I was younger. I felt distant from the rest of our family, and it just got harder to talk to them. I’m sorry if that’s how you felt too. Just know that she never took it too hard. She always believed you were capable of great things, and loved you till the end.
Anyway, I know you’re really busy and have a lot to do, but I hope this helps you. Take care and I’ll see you soon. Love you, bye.”
Carmen leaned back, thinking about what her Mom had said. Tears streamed down her face.
“Abuela…” she said.
This whole time, she’d known how much her Grandma supported her. But she’d always felt bad about how distant she’d grown from the rest of her family, and her culture. She’d worried for so long that her Grandma had died disappointed in her.
But to hear she actually believed in her that much until the end, it was overwhelming.
She collapsed into Mallory’s arms.
“It’s ok,” she said.
“You’re right,” Carmen said through her tears, “It will be ok.”
***
“I’m here” said Carmen as she walked back into the house.
“Very well” said the voice, “Do you know who I am?”
“I do,” replied Carmen.
“And do you think you can defeat me?”
“Yes,” said Carmen, loudly and confidently .
“Then prove it” said the voice.
Carmen saw the same door from earlier fly open.
No going back.
She stepped forward, with more determination.
She noticed the photo she’d placed in the box laying on the ground, the frame shattered.
“Come out and face me!” she yelled.
The house was suddenly engulfed in red beams of energy, the shadowy figure emerged at the center between her and the front door.
“Who am I?” the being asked.
“Regret,” Carmen responded.
“Good one,” said Regret, “Now let’s see if you’re strong enough to handle me.”
Carmen felt a wave of pressure hit her head as the house shook around her.
“You’re useless…abandoning your grandmother…what a whitewashed girl…no puedes hablar…what a terrible granddaughter.”
The same thoughts that had tormented her for the past week, some for years, now rushed to the forefront.
And if this had happened a few days ago, she would’ve collapsed.
But not now.
“None of that’s true! My Grandmother loved me, she did until the day she died, and I loved her back! I still do!”
The house shook as the words resonated.
“But you should’ve-”
“No! I can’t lament the past anymore. Yes, I wish I’d been closer with her before she died, but I can’t change that now. I have to move forward!”
The house shook again
“I have to believe in myself, just as much as she believed in me.”
She looked at the photo lying on the ground.
“Abuela, I love you. Gracias para todos. Yo viviré por nosotros!”
The house shook with a violent force as regret lost its footing and the red energy retracted from the house.
“Are you ready to accept me?” it asked.
Carmen nodded.
“I am.”
A bright flash of light emanated from regret as it dissipated. Carmen blocked her vision. When she finally opened her eyes, the house felt warmer and brighter. Carmen smiled.
I have to go get Mallory.
She walked out of the house.